She Party
by Samantha Stone
Awesome Carly, Gnarly Carly
I hate that old sour-grapes feminist notion that a strong woman needs to walk on eggshells because most people harbor an aversion to strong women. That a woman who shows strength risks being perceived as bitchy.
So I’m dismayed to say that I recoiled a bit from Carly Fiorina during the GOP debate this week. She was so smart, so confident, so awesome. But she didn’t seem – oh God, please stop me from saying it – nice.
Carly was gnarly. To be fair, the subject was national security, where a certain gnarly quality is required if you want to be taken seriously. But Carly’s been gnarly from the start of this race. On the economy, on her tenure at Hewlett Packard, on Planned Parenthood, on Trump’s boorish remarks, the list goes on.
As Carly herself pointed out, her critics have said she doesn’t smile enough. But wait, there’s more.
Years ago, I reported to a general manager who was very much on my side most of the time, although he could be brutal when the moment called for it. Once, after a meeting with a major client he called me aside and closed his office door. He asked me why I disliked the client, and I almost fell out of my chair.
“I don’t dislike him at all,” I said.
“Then why were you scowling the whole time?” he said. “You looked like the warden at a women’s prison.”
Well, um… ouch.
Turns out I’m a habitual scowler. I have to consciously remember to smile at people, or to at least to mentally check my face for traces of anything resembling a scowl. Compounding the problem, I’m a bit of a know-it-all. Add it up, and it’s really alienating. My former boss had intended for some time to talk to me about the way people perceived me.
So Carly Fiorina is a head-tosser. She may often be the smartest person in the room, or maybe she’s right a lot and she knows it, so she’s very confident. But she does this thing – she tosses her head and it makes her seem haughty. She makes her face look stern (like Lady Thatcher, whom she referenced in this debate?).
She is searingly rational, and she delivers a verbal arrow directly into the center of the bullseye. She is working, perhaps, not to seem girly in a field of 8 or more men. But the whole effect is that she seems – oh God, please stop me from saying it – bitchy.
The mystery is why nobody is helping her with this. Don’t they have game tapes? Or maybe Carly doesn’t care. She’s clearly brushed off the suggestion that she should smile more often.
Disclosure: I am a Carly Fiorina fan, maybe in the same way that fans of Hillary Clinton are fans. Recall that Hillary, too, was once haughty about her feminist credentials, and in 1992, the former First Lady did a fair amount of head-tossing. Look for it on YouTube if you don’t believe me. (“I’m not some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette…”)
It’s clear that nobody has worked harder on her personal presentation than Hillary Clinton. Love her or hate her, Hillary has learned how to come across like a strong, yet non-threatening woman.
Please, Carly, watch the debate video. And smile just a little. I know, you shouldn’t have to, because the men don’t have to. But that’s just the way it is.
